super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
