I'm sorry my penis didn't work
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
