She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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