you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
