So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
