i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize