Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i now understand why vodka
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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