wanna go halves on a baby?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
