Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
