I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
