Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
