Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
