So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
that may or may not have been my penis.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
