you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
