I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
