dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
