i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
