My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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