tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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