Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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