You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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