chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
