I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
