Only a mothe r could love this liver
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
