don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
