remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
