Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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