If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
