The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
