are you so shy because you have an std?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My vagina just recognized that song.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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