Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize