I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
