I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Swine flu. Run for my life!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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