He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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