dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
