VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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