You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
