My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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