Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
