At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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