just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't deserve a penis
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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