i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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