worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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