DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
