He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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