Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
