Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
