I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
