apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
