i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
