To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
