the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize