textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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