You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
