Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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