Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
