i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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