Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
