i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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