I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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