i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
