he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
