If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
