just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
