I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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