Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
