You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we're making bets on your personal life
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
