Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
