I'm gonna have a badass scar
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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