found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
