All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
