Your dad touched me again.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize