big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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