There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
