i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
