he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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