you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
