Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
