i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
