It's Friday. Sex?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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