So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
