I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize