I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
