It was confusing and full of hummus
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
