Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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