WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
