u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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