i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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