so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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