did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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