why didn't you poke me back
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
