happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
