i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
