His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have feelings that need drinking.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize