Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
