Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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