one two three fourrrrnication!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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