I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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