Sry I called you an 8
The best revenge is premature balding
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
