Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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