but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
