No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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