hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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