You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
